Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
