i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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