i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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