The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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