Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize