We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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