When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
