why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
