We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
