He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
