I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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