whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Of course I have a pirate flag
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
