Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
