Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
