Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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