Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
