he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
