I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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