4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
