and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
