after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
