I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
