that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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