I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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