evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i came on her dog
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
