The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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