U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
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