my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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