Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
