does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize