i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
