Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
