dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
