I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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