She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
