Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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