I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
