I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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