I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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