what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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