i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
