Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
