His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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