ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize