Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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