Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
