After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
