I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
