Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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