Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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