Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
