we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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