i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
