hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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