You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
