He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
