Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
