i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
