You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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