Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
