You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
