google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
