They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
