4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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