I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
