Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize