My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
4 words: hood of his car
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
