I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
