He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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