either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize