i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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