never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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