for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
