We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
