Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
