one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
