Don't you send me to vm
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
