Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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