Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
