He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize