My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
