i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
