Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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