Sponge bath it is.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
