The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I need water and some morals
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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