so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
