just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
