at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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