I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
