everyone is single if you try hard enough
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
