I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
