there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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