thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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