Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
