i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
