Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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