matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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