Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
