something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
