I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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