Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
