Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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