turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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