When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
