I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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