I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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