I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
