I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
