i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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