guys are only as good as the porn they watch
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
