alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
