i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
