Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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