Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You ruined the universe
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
