I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
