so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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