I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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