plz talk dirty to me
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
