the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize