So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
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