Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
